Monday, October 22, 2007

How to Make Clown Pants in 352 Easy Steps

  1. Enjoy a bottle of hard cider.
  2. Rummage around in drawers to find a pair of pants to use as a pattern. It's best to do this when most of the clothing is in the washing machine, leaving you to choose from an outgrown pair of corduroys and another outgrown pair of corduroys.
  3. Swipe some paper from your kids' easel when they aren't looking.
  4. Flatten the pants out with the front facing you, then fold in half. Pull out the funky little crotch divot and smooth everything out.
  5. Trace the pants onto the paper. Put in a little extra room in the top. What the heck - put in a little extra room everywhere.
  6. Contemplate the angle to cut the hem so that the hem will be smooth. Give up and just make straight legs.
  7. Pile up four layers of remnants. Spend a lot of time flipping and turning the fabric so that you'll have one blue front, one green front, one yellow back and one blue back. Pin on the pattern and cut.
  8. Curse a blue streak when you realize that you forgot to allow for a waistband.
  9. Sew one front to one back at the inner and outer seams. Repeat for the other leg.
  10. Curse a blue streak when you realize that you've ended up with two blue backs despite all the flipping earlier. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that no one really knows what you intended to make. Everyone will think you designed it this way.
  11. Flip one leg right side out and insert it into the other leg. Pin together.
  12. Laugh when you realize that you sewed the top shut instead of sewing the crotch seam.
  13. Rip.
  14. Pin again and sew the correct seam.
  15. Turn the entire mess right side out. Contemplate how to fix the waistband issue.
  16. Measure the waist. Measure the child. Say uh-oh a few times. Pray that the child will stop this incredible growth spurt before she grows out of the pants you haven't finished.
  17. Resume waistband contemplation.
  18. Fold a piece of fabric and cut to your measurement + 1" for seam. Sew.
  19. Burst into uncontrollable laughter when you realize that you should have doubled the waistband measurement. You only measured the front of the pants, ergo you should have doubled.
  20. Laugh harder when your husband asks you if you're making a yarmulke. Briefly consider adding a yarmulke to the costume.
  21. Recut the waistband to the correct size. Sew it together, pin it the the pants, and toss it aside until the following day.
To be continued....


Mary Witzl said...

Yep, Halloween is on its way!

Please believe me when I tell you that having read this, I still think you are a better seamstress than I. And what in the world is a crotch divot? It sounds a little worrying.

Christy said...

That's just my term for it. It's the little pointy part that makes room in the seat. I'm not a good seamstress, just a fearless one.

Kelly said...

If the clown turns out to be half as "funny" as the story of the pant making, it will be a huge success. You are definitely not afraid to take on a huge task!

Christy said...

Kelly - Now I can't get the pants off Claire long enough to finish them! At least I know she likes them, right?

Anonymous said...

Good article. Thank you.

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