13 things I dislike about my body

Before anyone gets on my case, let me be completely honest. I have an unhealthy love for my body. I think I'm much hotter than I probably appear to other people. But I'm crabby today, and especially miserable because of #2 & 3.

1. My chin waddle.
2. The fact that I produce an inordinate amount of wax.
3. My itsy bitsy ear canals which prevent #2 from exiting my body in an orderly fashion.
4. My heels, which remain cracked no matter what I put on them.
5. My smile lines are not symmetrical. I love my smile lines, but it bothers me that the left one is deeper than the right. I think maybe I smile like Elvis sometimes.
6. The mole in my right armpit.
7. The matching mole in my left armpit, which causes amazement in both of my children. There are two! And they're both ugly! Wow!
8. My fingers. They're all crooked even though they've never been broken.
9. And the nails are all chewed off.
10. And they're cracked because I don't put on enough lotion.
11. The hair on my big toes. I forget to shave it and then I look down and there is HAIR on my toes. And since I'm not a very hairy person in general, it freaks me out.
12. My skinny minny veins that always make phlebotomists raise eyebrows and pull out pediatric needles while tsking.
13. Did I mention my chin waddle?

I promise, next week I'll do 13 things I love about my body. I might have to do that two weeks in a row because I'm sure I have more than 13.