Meatball Transcript

C: Wash your hands and you can help me make some meatballs. No, you cannot stand on the floor. Get a chair. Get a chair. Get a chair. GET A CHAIR. Pull up your sleeves. J: Can I crack the eggs? C: Sure. Just be careful about the shells. Good. Now stick your hands in it and mix. J: It's too cold. C: Suck it up. Mix. Keep the meat in the bowl. Keep the meat in the bowl. Meat.in.bowl. PUT THE MEAT IN THE BOWL! LEAVE IT THERE! Now squish. Squish it IN THE BOWL. J: My sleeve fell down. C: Don't worry about it. Don't pull it up with your meaty hand. Don't pull it up with your meaty hand, you'll get meat on your shirt. Great - you got meat on your shirt. (big sigh) J: Tell me about the bugs in the meat again. C: If you eat raw turkey, there are bugs in it called bacteria. They will make you sick. You will throw up and throw up and throw up and have diarrhea, which is runny poop. You will poop and poop and poop. J laughs so hard that he grabs onto the counter. C: You are getting meat EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH! OK, that's enough. Now make it into balls like this. They have to be about the same size. J: This one looks like a pig. C: Get it out of my face. I can't see it that close. Yeah, a pig. Don't scratch your nose. Don't scratch your nose. Hold on, I'm washing my hands. Don't scratch. DON'T SCRATCH! Great, you've got meat all over your face. OK, that's all of them. Let's wash our hands. Rinse off all the meat first. No, you are not ready for soap. There's still meat on your hands. There's still meat on your hands. Shit! LISTEN TO ME! The meatballs were delicious, but I think we'll wait a while before trying again. I'm too uptight to enjoy smearing my child and kitchen with raw poultry.