Pilgrimage

I have Thanksgiving on my mind. My son has been asking questions - hard questions, perceptive questions, five-year-old questions - that set my imagination spinning. We have been discussing religious freedom a lot because it's something that he can understand. "Pilgrims came here because they wanted to worship God in their own way. They were tired of being told exactly how to pray. So they left and made something new." And somehow, at this time in my life, I find myself in a spiritual renaissance. I don't know what happened anymore than I know what happened to set off my spiritual dark ages. Sometimes, I think the light just changes and suddenly what used to be sure and real becomes shadowy and uncertain. And you can look right at a thing and see its outline and see what it used to be, what it ought to be, what it still is and somehow wonder what it has become. And then the light changes again and whabam! It's the thing! It's so clear and you wonder why on earth you ever even wondered because it's right there for any fool to see. I remember many years ago during a particularly charismatic phase in my spiritual life, I took a walk with a friend. He told me in the kind/cruel manner of truly good friends that my faith was too much. He poked fun at me, "Thank you for the glorious leaves! Thank you for that glorious song!" I was all wrapped up in the glorious wondrous joyful JOY of it all. It must have been hilarious from the outside looking in. For that matter, it was fairly amusing from the inside looking out. I'm not so charismatic now, thank goodness. I no longer have the energy for all that unadulterated bliss. Instead, I am finding a happy certainty. I like it. I'm thankful for it. I am glad that we're heading into advent because I think this will be a fruitful season for me. For the first time in a long time, my faith is carrying me along instead of me lugging it on my back like a cross.