Monday, October 13, 2008

He's training the children.

People who have known me for a while know that I have a Time magazine problem. Nick steals it from me every single week. If Nick and I ever divorce, it will be because of the magazine theft issue. I have tried writing my name on it, hiding it, rolling it up and threatening to swat Nick on the head with it. Nothing has worked. Every week, I must hunt it down with all the cunning of Hemingway on safari. The last time he renewed the subscription, Nick thought of a new tactic. The subscription is now addressed to him. So my magazine isn't even my magazine any more.

I thought that renewing the subscription in his own name was as low as Nick could go. I was wrong. It has become clear over the last several weeks that Nick is training the children to follow in his thieving footsteps. First, I noticed that Jacob was reading the magazine while using the restroom. I assumed that Nick had left it in there and Jake, bored while waiting for poo, had picked it up. Sure, it's a little odd to see an 8 year old reading about architecture in the bathroom, but Jake is a little odd sometimes.

The second clue came a few days later. I shook out Jake's blanket to tuck him in and the Time flew out. I cocked my head a bit and sucked in my breath, but bedtime is generally not the best time for criminal investigations. I tucked my magazine under my arm and went on my way. Then I promptly forgot about it.

The nail in the coffin came this morning. I sat down to breakfast and realized with a thrill that my magazine was laying on the table. "Aha!" I thought. "I can read an article while I eat!" I sipped my coffee while I scooted the magazine closer and Claire screeched at me. It was on the table because she was looking at the pictures. She made it perfectly clear that she had found the magazine in the play room and brought it to the breakfast table for her own pleasure, not mine. She even suggested that I read the grocery flyer.

I am trying to decide whether to give up or renew the battle with a new, never-before-seen strategy. I'm outnumbered and quite possibly outwitted. I am also incredibly stubborn.


Katie Alender said...

Get your own subscription, and have it sent to your office or to the house of a sympathetic neighbor. Then go to the thrift store and buy a bunch of 20-year-old "Woman's Day" magazines, and put the covers on your Times.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, Christy!

Kelley said...

Katie gave the same suggestion I was going to....though her idea of the Woman's Day covers is brilliant. :)

Mary Witzl said...

You're in it for the long haul, my dear. NOTHING I own is sacred. My nail file, clippers, hairbrush, shampoo, lotion, books -- you name it -- all end up in my kids' rooms, and my husband can be just as bad. Katie's suggestion is good, though -- wish I'd tried that.

Christy said...

Katie's suggestion is good. I was thinking about taking Nick's Sports Illustrated hostage. So sneaky or aggressive, hmmmmmm.